Duck, Shoes

BAGHDAD, Iraq, Dec. 15 – George W. Bush displayed quick reflexes for a man of his age as he ducked footwear chin music from Muntadhar al-Zaida. Zaida, a  journalist of a Cairo-based pro-Sunni TV station, is unhappy with the United States occupation. Sorry Muntadhar, no more mass murder for you.

Ball 1

Ball 1

The high and tight tossing of hightops, we are told, is absolutely, unequivocally the greatest insult that the Iraqi culture (and I use the term loosely) can bestow.  That, and being called a dog. Which happens at every hip hop concert, I am told. This explains why Bush nearly cracked up during the incident. I know it is not polite to smirk while being shown a balmoral brush back. No doubt, Bush will take some, uh, heat over this one. He should have had greater respect for Zaida’s plain-toed purpose pitch. But what was Zaida thinking? Bush loves baseball.

When Zaida climbed the ladder again, Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki nearly committed fan interference as he reached for the blucher beanball. Had Bush been hit, he could have received treatment from a medical professional, such as Dr. Scholl.

Nearly Fan Interference

Nearly Fan Interference

Bush worked Zaida to a hitter friendly 2-0 count. But Zaida got the hook when he ran out of shoes, and was escorted from the mound.

When asked about his right shoe, Zaida had this to say in clear but accented English

It is a [expletive deleted] valuable thing. You don’t just throw it away for nothing.

When asked about his left shoe, Zaida had this to say

I’ve got this thing and its [expletive deleted] golden, and, uh, uh, I’m just not giving it up for [expletive deleted] nothing.

When asked about a possible pitching contract with the Daytona Cubs, the Chicago Cubs’ Advanced A minor league affiliate, Zaida had this to say

Hold up that [expletive] Cubs [expletive]. [Expletive] them.

Future In the Minors?

Future In the Minors?

When asked how his fellow Iraqis felt about his flame throwing, Zaida had this to say

They’re not willing to give me anything except appreciation. [expletive deleted] them.

Actually, that’s not true, of course. Zaida is being hailed as a hero across the Arab world. I’m sure that newborn boys in Iraq and elsewhere will be given the name Muntadhar. To Zaida and his adoring mob, I have something for you to to enter on your scorecard

[expletive deleted] you and the shoes you wore in

One Response to “Duck, Shoes”

  1. fmanja says:

    LMAO. The journalist was rude and unprofessional. There are times like this and when Chavez talks you just have to say hold the F- up! That’s my President have some respect.